Happy Birthday, and other things

WOW! The girls are 5 months old. I can't believe it was only 5 short months ago that I was calling Rocky on the phone to get to the hospital quick, that the babies were going to be born. Or that we have had them home with us for only 3 months. Time is a really funny thing. Quick in one moment and slow in another. Rocky is missing the girls birthday. He is at Sky Ranch with school until Thursday. I am a single parent. It is not easy, and I am really tired. I will make do. I am constantly saddened and overwhelmed over the last day or so thinking about Audrey Caroline's parents and sisters. Not about Audrey, because she is sitting at Jesus' feet without a care in the world. I grieve for her parents and the emptiness in their arms, and for her sisters who have to wait a lifetime to play with her. Every time I think about her, I pray. I pray for their strength and peace in this situation, and I pray thanksgiving that all of our children are here, under our roof, alive and very well. That is something I really don't take for granted any more. I can still feel the emotions I felt when the girls were 2 days old and we didn't know if Abby would make it. I sat by Isabelle's bed because they were working on Abby and cried - for Abby, for Izzy and for myself. I sat in the family room and wept, begging God not to take her from me. I cried about how unfair it was that we were in this situation. Those emotions are still so fresh, and I almost hope that they stay that way. It helps me remember the humanness of us, and how fragile life is. I am trying to get over the fact that my house will not EVER look like a model home. There will always be a pile of shoes and socks by the front door, there will always be junk in the basket by the stairs to go up, and there will always be clutter in my kitchen...I just won't even go upstairs! These things are really not important, but it is the books we read at bedtime and the flowers we look at outside that are what matter. I hope I can always remember that. Good night.